I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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