i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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