I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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