I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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