He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize