So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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