I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
