I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have post one night stand depression
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
