so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
