Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
