some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
