He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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