the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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