just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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