She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
