I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
