He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
