Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
