you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize