You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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