i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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