there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
