This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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