i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Even my vagina gasped.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
