Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
