Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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