There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im six kinds of drunk right now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
