Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
