Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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