Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
