For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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