Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
