In the future we'll all be gay
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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