woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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