I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
