I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
