Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
