If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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