You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
