my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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