dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
