you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
