guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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