Got a toothbrush?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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