Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
