i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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