Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
why is half of my head shaved?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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