i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
