i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
