I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
