We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was born a porn star she said
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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