I just threw up on my dentist
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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