So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
