he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When are your genitals available?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
