All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
