Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
