did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
