well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
