You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize