The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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