that's an acceptable place to lick
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
