i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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