i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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