So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
