when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
