all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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