Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
