Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm too high and old for this...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
