I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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