How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
